My parents divorced when I was almost 3. My siblings and I stayed with my mom but my dad was still in our lives. However, he’s now basically disappeared.
He doesn’t visit or call. I do get random emails but they don’t really say anything; it’s basically just him asking questions to find a way out of paying support. When I email him just to update on my life and ask him questions, I get no response. I hate it, especially since he has a whole new family that he’s more than willing to support and spend time with —
I don’t want to speak for everyone who has been abandoned by their father or mother or sometimes both, but I think we pretend that it doesn’t matter and maybe for a time that’s the case. We pretend that we only need one parent. We pretend that friends are enough to fill that gap. We pretend that we’re strong enough to not need that love. However, deep down there’s emptiness. Some of us try to fill that emptiness with other things like drugs and alcohol, sleeping around, or becoming guarded and not letting anyone in.
That emptiness may not be acknowledged for years, but it’s there. It’s that desire to have a relationship, to know that parent who left. It’s doesn’t matter if the one who raised you gave you all the love and nourishment you could have asked for because you still know that your mom or dad isn’t there, whatever the circumstance.
That relationship does matter. And no amount of denial will change that.
Obviously every person’s situation is different, and maybe you’re better off without that parent. But speaking from my experience, don’t hide your feelings. For years, I told myself that it didn’t matter and that I was okay with out my dad. But now that I’m a little older and can look back at my situation, I realize that it did hurt and it still does. I’m confused, angry, and frustrated.
All you can do, is find someone to talk to; someone who can actually help you and mentor you, not someone you just vent to when you can’t handle your emotions. Personally, I hate talking about my feelings; I don’t like everyone knowing my business, but it helps A LOT!! Even if you just find that one person.
Instead of becoming bitter and angry at the world, I can move on with my life. One day maybe my dad will want to talk to me, but for now there isn’t anything I can do about it. That is his choice and I’m not going to sit here depressed and mad. So I choose to carry on, but I don’t ignore the hurt I feel, I deal with it by writing or talking with a mentor.